Sunday, November 19, 2006

Totally Compulsive

So for the last five days I have completely gone without porn and it's really bizzare to have to deal with my compulsion to do so. Typing in a porn url into the address bar is almost a compulsion when I get even a little bored. However, when it comes down to it. I immediately close the window and instead begin fantasizing about my girlfriend. This is not an easy system; my girlfriend is currently six hours away for her last year of post-secondary education and sexual release comes less frequently than one would hope. But this is worth it, she had asked me to quit before and I'd sooner take her up on it than retain my compulsion to look at porn.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Something you may need to hear:

Porn is a consuming addiction and it's not easy to break.

I've read a number of resources about pornography addiction and I'm willing to say most of what has been said is usually wrong. Also, the attitude of some people towards how to break away from this problem is not helpful. The best way to solve a problem is to do what best works for you, if that is a secular solution or a non-secular solution that is your own choice. But choices are really what we have in the online world, I've spent the better part of a year coming to grips over what this addiction has meant to me and my relationship. It has cost myself and my partner a great deal of hardship and pain, I suffered from not being able to share things with her and she felt insecure about the infidelity that is implicit in the act of getting off to pornography. The one thing however that I did learn from this, is that we are always in control over when and how we look at porn.

For me it is a reflex; the first thing I can type into a browser bar is usually a porn site, the truth is you need entertaining alternatives, things that aren't titillating. Don't waste your time trying to use softcore, or non-nude pictures of celebrities to solve your problem. In truth, this will only make your desire stronger, to get what you want in it's purest form. What is going to keep you honest, is somone else to talk with about this. If you need to start a blog, I reccomend it. If this doesn't work for you, but you want to draw on our collective thought, please read here for more, or just take away from reading this what you will. For me, this is the AA of my addiction and I haven't utilized it fully. It is hard to keep yourself honest and that is not your fault. In your own eyes, everything you do can be justified and made relative to the ebb and flow of your addiction. Keep it out there, if you need some support from others don't hestiate to ask for it, I personally won't hesitate to give it. Approach people you want approval from, even if it is just the guys in this blog circle.

Another thing that is important; masturbating and masturbating to porn are two different things. If you can do it without an aid, that is what you should do, don't punish yourself with no sexual release. Our society may frown upon you for whatever physical reason you feel insecure and cannot find a partner, or for the amount of times you may require stimulation from yourself or your partner, but don't let that discourage you. You should however be discouraged from using your own personal time to scour the internet for pornography; this personal time is special and you can afford to do a lot with it.

Proposal: from now on whever I want to look at porn, I'm going to post here instead. Be prepared for me to say a lot of nothing, other than shill cries and sexually frustrated grunts. If you hear what I'm saying and you're serious about this, get a blog.

In closing:
Lastly if you're some high-minded therapist/analyst, a relgious fundamentalist or just somone who thinks you take the moral high-ground to people with a real problem you can fuck right off. We look out for our own.