Monday, July 10, 2006

I hope this is where it begins and conversely where it ends,

today while I was browsing for porn on google, I stumbled upon a blog for somone who had mentioned the porn star I was looking for. However he was not hosting pictures, not hosting videos or linking galleries; he was talking about how horribly addicted he was to porn and what that had inflicted on him mentally. Instantly I identified with his struggle against desire, to completely canvas the internet in search of this incredibly sexy model doing hardcore, he however had been on a quest to quit porn cold-turkey. I could relate with his attempt, I have over the past few years, tried to quit looking at internet pornography as well.

However I have failed miserably three times and each time I tried, I only seem to find better and better pornography to get off to. Specifically I tried to quit for my girlfriend, as I began to find myself missing out on sexual opportunities to stare at porn, worse so I found myself enjoying sex less as a result. Sometimes I feel like women are just simply objects for my sexual desires. Ergo if a man can enjoy driving three different cars he would enjoy having sex with three different women. I was considering cheating on my girlfriend with women I wasn't even overly attracted to, because my porn collection's diversity I felt encouraged me to diversify my partners for a "new experience". I mean, some days I feel like looking at redheads, or blondes sometimes it's pornstars vs teen models, but the fact that I let that interfere with my relationship has begun to bother me.

Even just sitting at my computer I began to desire porn again, before I started writing this I had just found a model whom I had thought quit porn, but she had changed her name. She will be the last avatar of my internet fixation, and the last time I masturbate to porn on the internet. All I can do now, is be strong and start today. From today onwards I am going to post in this blog my experiences with porn and my day to day experience; like the others I want an outlet to keep me honest and provide some solidarity in my struggle.


Blogger Christopher said...

I was just leaving for a week of vacation but I wanted to give you few words.

First, share everything. If you can't tell the absolute truth to an anonymous blog, you can't be honest with yourself. Type the good, the bad, and the worse. If you can share the blog with a friend, or girlfriend, do so. They'll help keep you honest.

Second, the best way to get started is to erase everything on your machine. It's a tough step, but you'll feel so much better once it's gone.

Third, set reasonable goals. You want to push yourself, but if you set the bar to high, you'll miss it completely.

Last, stick with it, even when you screw up. Because you're going to screw up, but that's okay. Just keep improving yourself.

I'll be in touch next week.

Porn Forgotten

4:42 PM  

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